My new wife and her old last name….
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I just proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes! I can’t wait to marry her and have kids with her… But I am also a little disappointed. I thought with marriage came her taking my last name.. Then having kids and them taking my last name. Then we all have the same last name – like a big family! But she has another idea. She wants to keep her last name and she wants our kids to have both of our last names. I know this sounds old-fashioned and I am totally into women and their rights but I really wanted my kids to carry on my name. It’s frustrating. She wants all the other old-fashioned stuff: asking her father first, a big ring, a big elaborate proposal, a big white dress, her dad to walk her down the aisle and a big wedding. I feel like I am going through all these traditions when I’d be just as happy to elope and she wont take my last name (the only tradition I care about!). Also, I promise you it’s a nice, decent last name, I’d say better than hers. Am I being too old-fashioned or is it fair I am upset? Greg, 28
Filed under: babies, boyfriends, Family, Husbands, wedding | 4 Comments
Tags: elope, last name, marriage, propose
This comment is a bit tardy, but here it is anyway. A healthy marriage is all about compromise; doing your best to understand what your partner needs, helping support that person, and making sure you understand how they receive love. Part of that is trying to understand *why* they need what they need, so maybe make a bigger effort to find out why that is so important to her. Maybe the need for her goes deeper than simply keeping her old name, or maybe it really is just about retaining the title she identifies with and associates with her sense of self. I hope you’ve already worked this out, but if not, remember that there will be many issues to compromise on throughout your marriage, and you get to choose which of those things you won’t turn into a battle just by understanding what she needs.
Denzel Washington in Philadelphia tells it like it is!
You’ve beeen watching too much Mad Men. Grow up.
A wedding only lasts one day. A last name lasts forever (unless she took your name and then changed it back, but I’m guessing you wouldn’t want that). If you’re really that unhappy about the plans for the wedding, be mad that you aren’t getting enough input there, but there is no way you should be mad that she isn’t taking your name. Why don’t you take her name and then all of your kids can have that last name too?