Plus One
My boyfriend has an old friend coming into town for a wedding in a few weeks. It’s her cousin’s wedding, neither my boyfriend nor I know the couple getting married. And I have also never met this old friend. I’ve heard of her and know that they have always been close and also always been strictly platonic. So. The thing is, this friend apparently just broke up with her boyfriend and is depressed about being dateless for her cousin’s wedding, and she asked my boyfriend if he would go with her. Apparently he is the only guy friend she has in L.A. (where we live and the wedding is). He wants to go, he thinks it would be a nice thing to do for her. But I feel like going to a wedding with someone is really firmly a date and going on a date with someone other than your girlfriend is not okay. I think this girl is being totally pathetic and inappropriate… and besides, aren’t weddings supposed to be a great place to meet guys? What does she want my boyfriend there for anyway?! My boyfriend says I’m being selfish and overreacting. Is he right? Or am I right and his old friend is crazy and inappropriate?! -Nadia, 29.
Filed under: boyfriends, Friends, wedding | 7 Comments
Tags: boyfriend, dating, Friends, weddings
In my opinion there’s absolutely no reason to be upset unless there is something shady going on in your relationship and your boyfriend has given you a reason to behave like a jealous high school girl.
Bottom line: going to an event like a wedding with a friend is more fun than going alone because it gives you someone to hang out with during the long, boring ceremony and drunken reception–which is exactly what your boyfriend would be doing with his (platonic) friend–hanging out. It seems like a totally reasonable request, especially if they are good friends and haven’t seen each other in a while. Don’t get caught up in the terminology. It’s not a “date”. Why shouldn’t she ask her buddy to be there for her during her recovery from a breakup. Wouldn’t you like a friend to be there for you if you and your man break up? This is the kind of thing adult friends do for each other, regardless of gender/sex.
My bf has several close friendships with females who he’s known a lot longer than he’s known me, and I’d hope that if any of them were in a similar situation that he would come through for them as a friend–or at least find them a substitute date. But… that’s just us. And I trust him.
My boyfriend and I have spats about these kinds of things often. He has issues with my best guyfriend and typically I’m the one messing up. Friend boundaries often cause issues. Would I be furious, no. Do I understand why you’re upset–absolutely. Honestly, I think most girls would be upset. It would be different if you knew her, but you’ve never met her. Going to weddings alone (especially after break up–while everyone else is happily paired) sucks. Which puts you in a sticky place. Maybe suggest to your boyfriend that he find her a date? She doesn’t know anyone in town, but that doesn’t mean she can’t hit it off with someone.
I’m late to this party, but I’m with Gina. They’re old friends and this is exactly the sort of thing friends do for one another. Nadia is being inappropriately jealous and untrusting. Does she have reason to believe her man will cheat?
Maybe part of my problem is the bf is saying the gf is being selfish. It probably would’ve gone over better if he had first asked his gf if it would be ok. A little consideration of her feelings might have been a good idea
Grow up and get a life. Going solo to a wedding DOES suck, as you have admitted. They are friends; only friends. He’s doing a noble thing by going. It is obv NOT a date. Do you wig out if he hangs out with any female? If they were going out of town to a wedding, that *might* be a little sketch, but they are going in LA, he will be home at some point.
I was 50/50 on this one between furious and sort of mad… But I ended up going with furious because that’s how I would feel if my husband tried to pull a stunt like that. This girl needs to find her own man!
I agree… When I think about how much it sucks to go to a wedding solo I feel sort of sorry for the girl. But when I think about how furious I would be if my boyfriend went to a wedding with another girl I have to vote Furious!